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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day

Hear this story as a podcast:

A salesman paced back and forth along the line like a drill sergeant who has absolute authority and can fire any hostile words he chooses at will while the men must silently endure or face reprimand of epic proportion. The line of men waited quietly like criminals who feel remorse on execution day. There was no defense - we were all BAD BOYS and we knew it.

It was Valentine's Day in Manhattan many years ago, and I, like the others, had waited until THE LAST MINUTE. We had made the enormous mistake of attempting to buy flowers from a flower shop during the closing hours on Valentine's Day.

The salesman BARKED that we should have $60 in cash, in hand, readied for a purchase of a dozen red roses. NO ONE objected, lest, like victims of the mythical Soup Nazi, they be evicted and left in one of the most horrific states imaginable for any man: Valentine's Day without a gift for the woman in your life. If her heart will only be won (or kept) by roses, you had better not ruffle the feathers of the MAN IN CHARGE of selling them.

One may counter that we are blessed with green grocers in New York City and that flowers are available at nearly every corner. This may be true, however, any astute woman will know quality and where such flowers were purchased. It is at her COMPLETE DISCRETION whether such a gift will be appreciated and fully accepted or whether her lover will be EXCORIATED and CRUCIFIED for not making her a priority and treating her like an afterthought.

And do not for a second believe any woman who purports to let you off the hook in advance, telling you that you do not need to buy her anything. You had better get her something nice, something romantic, because if you neglect to do so, in times of conflict, you WILL be reminded, and this will be ammunition for her until the day you die. 

At one time, I would have found such attitudes among women reprehensible, agreeing with men who defended such behavior by saying that Valentine's Day is nothing more than an opportunity for commercial interests to co-opt a day, making victims of us all. But over the years, I have had ample time for reflection. I now side with women who often feel that they are shown appreciation far too infrequently by men who see holidays as a time of obligatory gift giving and are resentful of every moment needed to shop.

So guys, if like me, you have again waited until the last minute, good luck and happy hunting. Enjoy your self-inflicted wounds. To the ladies who deserve something truly thoughtful from the man you love, I sincerely wish you Happy Valentine's Day :)

Related Posts: Be My Valentine, Jacques Torres


Anonymous said...

"any astute woman will know quality and where such flowers were purchased. " Great observation!

Brian Dubé said...

Anonymous - Holidays are not the time to be trying to trick people, particularly women on Valentine's Day :)

Leslie said...

Omg...LOVE the reading. Just fabulous!!!

As for me, spare the roses on V-day. Any day is a great opportunity for even a tiny bunch of flowers (fair trade, of course).

Just look into my eyes, let's admit that we still love each other after all the difficult times, and kiss. That's my idea of a perfect V-day. I agree with your friend who called it a day for commercial interests.

So to All...Happy Love Day...everyday!

time traveler said...

A good woman deserves flowers more than just once a year..She deserves an "I LOVE YOU' everyday and a box of her favorite chocolates just as often as she wants..St Valentine's day is (for me anyway) just a opportunity to underscore affection, appreciation and emotion..And the smile on her face is all the thanks I need..Is it worth the money? You Bet'cha..

Anonymous said...

Harvey and Hellen said: Great Podcast. Harvey thought that you were channeling Jean Shepard. I was sitting at the edge of my seat. We'd like to hear more of your spoken stories.

Elizabeth said...

Brian, I care not one jot for commercial hot house blooms. Make me a spontaneous daisy chain or pluck a buttercup and see if I like butter - much more romantic. Love the post 'though. x